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Nice to meet you...

How wonderful life is...now you're in the World.

Dearest Hope,

"She's Perfect"

After hearing that you had arrived, those were the words I heard next.

"She's Perfect"

It was enough to leave me speechless. I just sat in awe of the power of prayer and how truly good our God is.

I have been calling you Hope these past few months but your parents have chosen a beautiful name for you.

Olivia Lauren Fowler

Lori says that she will call you LIV, because well...you have LIVED through a whole lot to get here to us.

When I say your name, I will think of how much strength you brought to our family during a scary time. I will think of how you reminded us to appreciate every ounce of life and whatever obstacles are thrown at us. When I say your name I will remember to be brave, to have grace and to truly LIVE...just like Lori...just like you!

Peace Out PICC Line...

Dearest Hope,

A few weeks ago I visited Lori and helped her with Abigail's 7th birthday party. Lori was completely back to her old self. She had her strength back and was able to tackle the stairs, the laundry and the running around that went along with having 3 children. She talked about shopping, maternity photo shoots, signing the kids up for summer camp and buying formula for the baby that would be here in a month. She had this amazing energy and I was relieved but wondered where it stemmed from. On the car ride to the birthday party, I examined her carefully and noticed there was something different about her. When I finally put my finger on it, I couldn't help but shout out -"Lori, they took your PICC line out!" This horrific series of tubes and needles that nestled itself awkwardly on the crook of her arm, was nowhere to be found. The same PICC line that had been the source of her staph infection. The "Scarlet Letter" that told the world that she has cancer. It was no longer there! And when I looked at Lori, she looked lighter...she looked free. This meant that chemotherapy was over and the daily IV antibiotic that was added on to prevent further infections was also behind her. And it gave her so much freedom. Freedom to plan a 7th birthday party for her oldest daughter. Freedom to spend hours at Babies R Us preparing for the birth of her youngest daughter.

To Show You My Love

Dearest Hope,


When Lori was diagnosed with cancer, her mission was to heal and recover.
My mission was to find a way to tell her how much she is loved. How do you tell someone that when you have known them your whole life? And would words be enough?
This personal mission rapidly evolved into the Live LAF Love fundraiser. If actions do indeed speak louder than words, then this was a perfect way for Lori to realize how much she means to me and to so many others. After months of collecting donations and pictures, I finally created PART I of the Live LAF Love series.
I showed Lori the video over the weekend and I got to sit right next to her as she watched. As the images filled the screen, she personalized it with commentary

-“Did Allie take some of these pictures?”
-“Owen is so cute!”
-“Is that Melissa Kuehl?”
-“Who’s Boylan Pom jacket?”
-“Jeanne’s daughter looks just like her.”
-“Westley is getting so big”
-“She was an Alpha Gam!”
-“Kelly Powers has so many kids”
-“Brian Thiede is so tall”

And as the video went on she said less and cried more. I imagine that as new faces filled the screen it was like each one of them was embracing her and cheering her on. For seven minutes she sat and marinated in everyone’s love. And when it was all done she looked at me and whispered a quiet “Thank You”.

In response to her gratitude, I wanted to say is that there are more people out there thinking of her, wristband or no wristbands. I wanted to tell her that this was truly an effortless project because once I said “It’s for Lori” people gathered quickly to reach out to her. I wanted to tell her that people ask me how she is doing everyday. I wanted to tell her that I love being her sister. But I couldn’t seem to get past my own tears to get the words out and so I hugged her instead. And in that embrace she was my big sister once again as she comforted my tears and let me know everything is going to be okay.

Navarre Beach

Snapshots from our week away.

Paradise Lost...and Found

Dearest Hope,

I spent this last week at Navarre Beach with my family. I had 5 solid days packed with nothing but watching my kids play in the sand and jump in the waves of the ocean. It was a getaway of a lifetime. I found out pretty quickly, that no matter how beautiful the scenery, or how warm the sun, there is no getting away from thinking of Lori. I found my thoughts constantly shifting to her. Maybe they were pangs of guilt that came from my declaration that I needed a vacation to get a way from MY stress. My stress consists of commuting to the city a few times a week, being hostage to my computer, being innovative about how I could sneak a peek at my Blackberry in mid conversation with my husband and trying to maintain as much of my motherly role as possible so that my children don’t grow up thinking their nanny was my replacement. These are real stresses I know, but it pales in comparison to Lori’s stress…cancer, chemo, the radiation that is ahead, the 3 children who beg for her attention, her constant fight to stay strong around the people she loves.

What was Lori’s getaway? Where was her vacation from her daily struggle? I realized that the life that grows inside of her, her baby girl…is her ultimate escape from her everyday worries. The sound in her voice when she describes how much the baby is kicking…Or the way she carefully plots out sleeping arrangements in their home when they become a family of 4…or how she invites people to come and help her prepare for the baby by organizing newborn clothing and preparing the swing and bassinet.

For a few minutes each day, whenever she thinks of her daughter to be, or is reminded by a swift kick in the ribs from the princess herself, Lori gets a short vacation from her cancer and treatment. She can fantasize about meeting her daughter… who she will look like…her personality…her smile. Lori can wonder if her newborn will come out with more hair than her or if they will look like twins, beautifully bald.
When I tell people about Lori’s diagnosis they are shocked and worried. When I mention that she is pregnant, they are floored and most people have no words to say. It does seem pretty awful I know. But this pregnancy is what prompted her to see a doctor as quickly as she did. And for that I am so grateful. This baby saved her life and continues to do so. It is her getaway indeed…her baby girl…an ocean of possibilities for the future.