Lori and Lyra = Abby and Rayven

Dearest Hope,

Seven years ago when I found out I was pregnant with my first, I immediately called Lori to tell her the great news. Her response was ..."Me too". Our due dates were exactly one week apart. But since my girl came into the world 3 weeks early and hers came in 1 week late, Abby and Rayven ended up being exactly one month apart.

The two girls' personalities are so different yet they love being together. Sort of a cousins version of Yin and Yang. The more they grow and the more I watch them I realize that I am reliving mine and Lori's childhood all over again.

Abby- so much like Lori- artistic and precise, a collector of all things miniature (Littlest Pet Shops are her passion for the moment), already interested in make-up and insistent upon picking out her own clothes..confident of her fashion sense at the age of 6.

Rayven- so much like me- lover of things that are flashy like pettiskirts and high heels. Witty with her remarks and back talk that it is hard for me to keep a straight face as I discipline her. Always playing out dramatic scenes when she thinks no one is looking. Drawing and creating things to give to other people because "it will make them happy". A blossoming writer herself...as she documents her life in a daily journal.

Since Lori's diagnosis, our families have gathered together often and it gives the girls a great chance to discover each other, to love each other and to create wonderful memories of their childhood. I am hoping that years from now when they revisit these moments, they remember it not as the months when Lori was sick, but as times when they got to see a whole lot of each other and loved (almost) every minute of it.

Last Friday Lori received her third round of chemo along with an MRI report that states...THE RIGHT ANTERIOR MEDIASTINAL MASS HAS MARKEDLY DIMINISHED IN SIZE.
I cannot define all of those words...but I know what it means...and it is good news!

Retail Therapy

Mom's Advice- "Lori, now that you have had 2 rounds of chemo, your immune system may be weakened. You should really try to avoid the crowded places...like WOODFIELD MALL!"

Lori's solution- "I guess I have to just shop at the small boutiques!"

Dearest Hope,

On Good Friday, Lori and I met at Woodfield for some retail therapy. It had been almost 2 weeks since her hair loss and as she told me she was pretty OVER the wig. So I was not surprised when I met her there and she was sporting her Burberry scarf. What surprised me most was my reaction to it. I became strangely aware of other people looking at her and found myself very protective of Lori regarding what these gawkers were thinking when they looked at her. Each person's reaction was unique but had some similarities..they would look at her scarf and it would register that she is bald...which would then register that she is undergoing cancer treatment...then they would gaze down at her protruding belly and put 2 and 2 together and there was just enough time for me to catch a glimpse of their shock.

I am sure Lori knew and felt this unwanted attention but seemed pretty unaffected by it as she threw off her scarf in the middle of Nordstrom to try on a hat. Or as she mumbled to herself how hungry she was at Hanna Andersson and the sales lady came running at her offering a piece of candy. (she happily accepted because she was THAT hungry) Lori just went on with the day, the only care in her sight was where she was going to buy her next great deal.

So as the day went on I felt my feelings drastically shift. I went from thinking... "DON"T YOU DARE LOOK AT MY SISTER" to... "PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, LOOK AT THIS WOMAN!" For she is the finest example of grace and courage. Stare as long as you need to so that you can learn from her that whatever life throws at you, whatever challenges you encounter, you have a divine power to overcome it. Lucky for me, I got to "stare" at her all day long and I am a changed person because of it.

Live LAF Love

This is a fundraiser that I am starting. I hope you will join me in this great cause. It will be yet another amazing way we can show Lori that she is loved and prayed for everyday! LAF stands for Lori Ann Fowler and these bracelets symbolize her faith and courage as she continues her journey towards treatment and recovery.

Each bracelet is $2 and all proceeds will go to the Lymphoma Research Foundation. My ultimate vision is for those who have the bracelets to please e mail me a picture of you wearing it. Then I will put together a video for Lori so that she can see for herself how many people are thinking of her during this time. I am hoping this video will reach her at about the time of her final chemo treatment and as she great ready for the baby. Let me know if you have any questions. Thanks for loving my sister!

For those of you who live in the Rockford area, Elaine Bruckner will have bracelets sometime next week. Everyone else can e mail me and we can work out how I can get them to you.

Wigged Out...

Dearest Hope,

Ever since we found out chemo was part of Lori's treatment, she has openly discussed the inevitable hair loss that goes along with it. When I first came to visit after her first round of chemo, she had asked me to wash her hair because she could not get her chemo port wet. So there we were, just the two of us in the kid's bathroom. Me holding onto a detachable shower head making sure that the temperature was just right, as she was leaning her head over the bath tub warning me that she may be getting lightheaded after this ordeal. In this lifetime, I now know that I will never be the shampoo girl at Mario Tricoci. I am pretty sure I squirted shampoo in her eye and as I performed my lame attempt at a scalp massage, I could feel Lori squirm as if to tell me "let's just get this over with already!" When all was said and done, she was thankful for clean hair and for the fact that I did not give her third degree burns from my inability to maintain comfortable water temperature.
I looked at her and said, "Dude, how are you going to keep washing your hair like this for the next few months?"
Without missing a bit or batting an eyelash, Lori simply said..."In a couple weeks I won't have any hair".
Even one day post chemo, she had seemed to accept all the things that went along with this treatment.

Fast forward to 2 weeks later...

I spoke with Lori on the phone earlier this week and she was telling me about how she was losing hair here and there and leaving trails all over the house. Tuesday night she decided to take control of the situation, handed the trimmers to her husband and had her Britney Spears moment. I wasn't there and I didn't ask for too many details. But at the time she said that it was emotional, which I can only imagine.
The next day I skyped her so that I could see the results for myself. She answered the call with her perfectly styled wig and then gave me the big reveal. There she was bald and smiling, telling me how comfortable her Louis Vuitton scarf is and showing me how she can still wear her Tasha headbands on her wig. We also had a great discussion on what jewelry pieces she needed to complement this new look. That's Lori for you...determined to be fashionable and beautiful no matter what. And trust me...hair or no hair she really is a thing of beauty!