Dearest Hope,
Someone recently told me that as I write this journal I should not focus on making each entry perfect, but I should just write often so that I can capture all of the events that are happening with Lori. Well, this entry will be far from perfect. Because "perfect" are the images of Lori laughing and active with a hand full of shopping bags. "Perfect" is Lori taking orders online for her beautifully crafted Mother's necklaces. "Perfect" is seeing Lori with a spring in her step as she gets the kids ready for school in the morning. "Perfect" seems like it was a lifetime ago.
Lori was admitted into the hospital on Thursday because she had spiked a fever of 103 and had severe back pain. Doctors say that the fever is due to an infection that may have been caused by her chemo PICC line. Her back pain is probably from a pinched sciatic nerve caused by her pregnancy. The causes and the reasons do not really matter. What matters most is that she is in pain and uncomfortable and for those of us who love her, we feel pretty helpless.
I cannot even count on one hand how many times Lori has been sick in her lifetime. I don't remember her having the flu very often as we were growing up. She had pretty unremarkable pregnancies, no morning sickness, no nausea, no complaints. Feeling under the weather is unfamiliar territory to her. So I know she has no idea how to make sense of this discomfort. And I know it is hurting her that she cannot fully be there for her 3 children.
There is nothing to do but pray. And sometimes even that doesn't seem like enough. I have been told that I need to dig deep to find the strength to really be there for her...and trust me, I am shoveling away!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Lyra you are so real and so is your love for Lori. She knows this! You are doing a great job doing everything you are doing. No matter what, it's not going to seem like enough because you can't make her better. I know it is REALLY hard on you, but Lori loves you and I am POSITIVE she is amazed and blessed for all you are doing. I am praying so hard for Lori's comfort and healing and for your entire family! By the way- I absolutley LOVE my mother's necklace Lori made me! What talent!
ReplyDeleteLyra, you are such an amazing writer! I totally get you. I wanted to say thank you for keeping us all informed. I think of you all so often and pray for Lori's comfort and recovery. Hang in there! XOXO~Sarah Beale
ReplyDelete