Dearest Hope,
After weeks of fearing the raccoon look halfway through the day, I have finally decided that it is indeed safe for me to start wearing mascara again. It was rough this past month. I would find that my crying fits would come out of nowhere and without warning. I could barely be in a room for more than 20 minutes without having a complete change of mood. In all honesty, I felt a little crazy. I wish I could say I had a “pretty” cry. You know, the "Demi Moore from Ghost cry" with the one perfect tear. The kind of cry that would garner sympathy from people in the same room who witnessed it. Nope…not me. I had the hysterical type of cry that made people so uncomfortable that they would find it easier to run away than to console me. And seriously..who could blame them! I have never felt sadness like that before…I have never felt fear like that either…I hope to NEVER feel it again.
Everyday that I talk to Lori, the fear subsides even more. Sure she seems pretty out of breath on the phone. She sounds like she is trying to run a marathon and in reality she is sitting on the couch with her feet up..doing exactly what the doctor ordered. Hearing her out of breath makes me cringe because it brings this vivid picture of the tumor sitting on her chest, weighing down and making her breathing more labored than it needs to be. But aside from that, she is strong. She is happy. Most importantly, she is loved and she can feel that love in the phone calls, the e mails, the flowers and the PRAYERS.
My brother bought his first house. It is a beautiful place that his wife and baby girl just absolutely love. My parents and I went there to see it and we were so excited for them. We talked, we ate, we laughed and for the first time in a long time we were not paralyzed by fear of what Lori is going through. Her courage and strength has inspired us to do what she does best…live..truly live.
oh my goodness, lyra, i'm glad you wrote on my blog! i was thinking about you the other day and i was seriously hoping that you had started a blog and would soon get ahold of me so that i could follow along. reading through your blog was bittersweet- i know exactly how you're feeling. it is incredibly hard to have someone you love so much be going through something so difficult. and there you are, helpless. but it was sweet because you are doing what i did- you and your sister are focusing in the beautiful things in what feels like a nightmare situation. i can promise you that being optimistic will keep this whole process real and bearable. i am excited to follow your blog and i promise that you, lori, and your families will be in my prayers! i am saving my pennies to come to chicago to see you next year! :) take care!
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